I was talking with a group of writers last week when someone said that they had let themselves down — they had missed a deadline on a story, failed to show up for their Monday and Thursday writing sessions, and had thus far written zero (0) words for NaNoWriMo.
I identified with this so hard. Because I am constantly setting goals and making promises and establishing writing habits for myself that I don’t keep.
Several of these commitments are even recorded in old Write Now podcast episodes — I remember recently promising myself on-episode that I would write 200 words every day. (And I very much did not.)
I’ve also talked about a new writing schedule where I write Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday mornings… and I haven’t kept up with that 100%, either.
Every time I set a new goal, promise, or commitment to myself that I fail to keep, it feels like a betrayal. And it’s not only disappointing, but embarrassing, too — especially when a caring friend asks, “So, how’s the new writing routine going?” and I have to either lie and say, “Great,” or own up to my sad truth and say, “Well, I did it for two days, and then stopped.”
What kind of writer can’t stick to their own goals and commitments?
… Honestly, I think a lot of us. Because we’re not perfect, and life’s not perfect. We procrastinate, we self-sabotage, we get sick, we have friends and families who need us.
For many (most?) of us, it’s less about “if” we disappoint ourselves, and more about “when”.
And when that happens, I think that instead of punishing ourselves, or labeling ourselves as useless blobs with no integrity, it’s more productive and helpful to ask: “Why didn’t I do the thing I said I wanted to do?”
Was it unreasonable? Was it difficult, scary, or tedious? Was it something we did not actually want to do? Was it simply easier not to do it? Are we in a comfortable pattern of disappointing ourselves? Are we burned out, exhausted, and/or depressed? What’s really going on here?
And then we can ask, “Okay, so now what?” How can we move forward? Because a missed day of writing, a missed month or year or decade of writing — it’s not a creative death sentence. We can move forward. Most of the time, we just need to give ourselves some grace, get a good night’s sleep, and try writing again the next day. Lather, rinse, repeat as necessary.
Words & warmth,
Sarah