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Life comes with a tall order of “should”s. We “should” eat more vegetables, exercise every day, take care of our families and friends, volunteer in our communities, read that book, attend that PTA meeting, see that movie, get more sleep, pick up groceries, be present on social media, floss regularly, devote a healthy amount of time to our hobbies and passion projects, practice self care, and make time to say our affirmations every morning. There are a lot of great things to say “yes” to. But, as we discussed in last week’s email, every “yes” to one thing means “no” to something else — or multiple something elses. Attending that extra meeting may take away the time we need to squeeze in a workout. Investing an hour in our craft may result in sacrificing a home-cooked meal in favor of pizza delivery. And — here’s the kicker — that’s okay. That’s life. Our lives — our very identities — are made up of the choices we make, the sacrifices and accommodations we make every hour of every week. So it becomes absolutely critical that we ask: which of those “should”s actually matter to us? It seems easy at first — until we realize that some things we’ve been doing for years aren’t actually important to us. They’ve been set upon our shoulders by other people who believe they’re important, or who are afraid of certain consequences, and we’ve continued to do them because it’s become part of our routine, but… there is something much better, much more suited to ourselves, that we could be saying “yes” to instead. I served on church councils for years because doing so made me feel useful and worthwhile — and I felt like I owed something to that community. Plus, it reminded me of my dad. Was it worthwhile? Yes. Was I passionate about serving on a church council? Maybe. Did I love church politics? No. Was this the absolute best use of my time? Were there other volunteer activities I was more passionate about? I put in extra time at work (heading in early or staying late, touching up website copy at home in my free time, managing email on Saturdays) for years. I did it because it made me feel like I was part of something, like I was a worthwhile and valued worker, and like I was doing everything I could to advance my career. But was I? What was I really getting out of that time? What are you getting out of your time? What are you getting out of your “yes”es? Take an inventory of your own daily and weekly activities. The meetings, the commute, the social obligations, the family time, the grocery shopping, the hospital visits, the time spent scrolling through social media. All of it. What are you doing because you actually want to, and what are you doing because you feel like you “should”? What is integral to your personality and your purpose? There are no right answers here — there are only our answers. And not all apparent “should”s are bad. For example, it can feel like a hassle or a “should” to walk your dog every day, but you love your dog, and you truly want to take good care of her. She is part of your life and a part of your identity that you have chosen. Think about what each activity on your list means to you and how it impacts your identity. Do you like the collective picture they paint? What would you take away, if you could — and what would you add? And for those “shoulds” that absolutely cannot go away… why are you clinging to them, and how can you make them more your own? |