Usually, when we choose to do something, it’s for a reason. Sometimes the reason is obvious and sometimes it’s buried deep within our subconscious, but there’s almost always a reason — sometimes two or more.
I complete my work each day so that I can continue to afford a roof over my head and food on the table. I read books because they fill my brain with happiness. I eat chocolate because it is delicious. (Or I decide not to eat the chocolate because I’m trying to lose weight.) I spend an hour watching a webinar because it will enrich my business.
Everything we do stems from a choice we make, and that choice comes from a reason. We decide to eat the chocolate, or not eat the chocolate, depending on how we want to feel and why. Depending on how loud our sugar addiction is screaming, “EAT THE CHOCOLATE!” or how loud the waistband of our pants is screaming, “NO, STOP!”
When you decide not to do something you actually want to do — whether it’s skipping your morning journaling session, ignoring your novel, or electing to put off your painting for tomorrow — you’re acting on a reason there, too.
But… what is that reason?
Important caveat: It’s okay to rest if you need to rest. (This is a lesson I have been learning BIG TIME here in 2020. Rest is good and essential and not something to shame or demonize.) But if you’re choosing to put off your daily writing session for the third, fourth, or fifth day in a row, and denying yourself the joy and fulfillment that your creativity brings you, then I want you to think about why. Because there is a why there. There’s a reason.
Is it because you don’t know what to do next? Is it because writing is hard work? Is it because you’ve hung your entire self-worth on your creative production and you can’t stand the thought of starting… and having your work not be instantly amazing? Is it because you’re afraid? Is it because you’re depressed? Is it because you’re hiding? Is it because you don’t know how the next chapter is supposed to start? Is it because someone told you that you’re no good, or that wanting to create was foolish, and you can’t seem to let those words go?
What is your reason for not pursuing your dreams? Because again — there is a reason.
Start exploring that reason, gently. Start by asking: What do you get out of writing (or painting or podcasting, etc.)… and what do you get out of not writing (or painting or podcasting, etc.)?
What do you get out of escaping your art? Because if you’re escaping it (or avoiding it or ignoring it or putting it off indefinitely), you’re getting something out of that. What is it? A brief reprieve from the fear? A “stay of execution” from your inner judge? Permission to enjoy the “quick hit” dopamine rewards from social media? The numbing faux-peace of distraction?
In the end, what do you want to choose to do, and why?
Words & warmth,
Sarah
P.S. Special thanks to Rebecca Wiener McGregor for teaching me about this concept.