Stop Hitting “Refresh”

This is kind of embarrassing. 

Back when I first launched Write Now with Sarah Werner, I was OBSESSED with my download numbers. I would release an episode and then hit “refresh” on Libsyn (my media host) with the frenzied desperation of someone awaiting a life-changing message.

(Fun fact: Turns out that hitting “refresh” doesn’t magically generate downloads.)

My husband would get really irritated with me, and would say he didn’t want me obsessing over my numbers, that it wasn’t healthy. 

But at that time, I felt like I NEEDED lots of downloads to prove that I was doing something worthwhile, that my show mattered. 

I needed external validation that I was on the right track (whatever that means). It was almost as though getting “a ton of downloads” (whatever THAT means) would be the permission I craved to continue podcasting, the sign from above that I was doing the right thing.

I was scared and uncertain. I had never done anything so bold or audacious before as launching a podcast, and I was desperately seeking signals that I was doing An Okay Thing (TM). 

Needless to say, I didn’t get “a ton of downloads”. Not at first. Not when I craved them the most. I was getting maybe 100 downloads per episode while looking enviously at all the more successful shows around me.

I wasn’t getting the validation I thought I needed to be a successful podcaster. I felt more and more like a failure. 

But then, I got an email. 

It was from a listener — an older retired woman — who said that, because of my podcast, she had been inspired to pick up a pen and written a poem for the first time in years. 

She told me that she had been depressed ever since her husband had passed away, and that her life had felt meaningless and empty. She told me how amazing it felt to rediscover her creativity, to make something for herself that helped her understand and process what she was experiencing. She told me she was grateful for my show, and thanked me for putting Write Now out into the world.

Wow.

That was when I realized — there were different metrics for success. Knowing that I had helped one woman was more valuable and meaningful to me than 100 or 150 or even 1,000 downloads could ever be.

I had a choice — I could fixate on the numbers and keep feeling bad about myself. Or I could focus on helping people and changing their lives, one at a time.

I took the focus off of ME and I put it on my audience. I wrote a mission statement about how I wanted to help others and make a real difference in their lives. I started living it out. I didn’t feel like a failure anymore, and I changed my show for the better.

Years later, I randomly checked my download numbers and realized with a sense of great shock that I had SURPASSED 1.5 million downloads for both of my shows combined. 

And… it was great to realize that milestone, but in a way, the numbers didn’t really matter to me anymore. I had nothing to prove — to myself or others. My shows were helping people in different ways and THAT was what mattered.

What kind of validation are YOU looking for? What does success mean for YOUR podcast?

Words & warmth,

Sarah