In episode 034 of the Write Now podcast, “Feeling Like A Fraud”, I discussed something called Imposter Syndrome. Shortly thereafter, my friend Deane Barker addressed it in my latest Coffee Break episode as well.
Suffice to say it’s been a THEME in my life lately, and a recurring one at that.
Essentially:
Imposter Syndrome is when genuinely successful & accomplished people discount their achievements, constantly terrified that people will “find out” that they’re a fraud.
For me, I’ve figured out that I feel less like a fraud (i.e., I can recognize that I’m good at my job, and that I have created a moderately successful niche podcast) and more just… worthless.
I feel worthless. I do. Deep in my heart, I feel like I can never do enough to be a good person, or to feel worthy of being valued and loved — by family, by friends, by coworkers & managers, by you, by God.
I feel like I need to earn love and self-worth, and that I have an incredibly long way to go before I get there.
I don’t know how I got to be this way — I don’t want to be this way. I want to change.
And I think this is easier said than done… but how do you get to a place where you feel as though you are worthy of love?
Thanks, Sarah, for bringing up a topic all too familiar…
“Worth” is by definition a measurement. When I’m feeling worthless, I am somehow measuring my value against some standard that exists in my world view. While there are many things in my experience, upbringing, belief system that formed that standard, the truth is that my measurement of worth is simply a made-up one! So it seems that, if I can create such a measurement, I can “un-create” it as well. I can choose to measure my worth a different way, or choose to reduce the importance of this measurement, or choose to not measure it at all! Imagine that, what if I stopped evaluating my worth… hmmm. Sounds like freedom to me!
thanks for a thought-provoking topic.
Donna, I love this! Thank you for sharing your wisdom. <3
Such a damned hard subject. I feel the same most days. Don’t have an answer, other than I know deep down in my soul that life is a beautiful thing even if I can’t always see it. So I keep believing that is true and having faith that one day my heart will catch up to where my head already is. The tricky balance is trying to find and express self worth while still remaining humble. Humility to me has always seemed to necessitate a self defacing mindset. I’m starting to think that might not be true, but it takes time to rewire your brain after years of existing in a destructive thought track.
Thank you for sharing that, Andrew — very well-said. I think I am also in need of some brain-rewiring… it’s just hard to know how to do it or where to start. 🙂