We’ve talked before about choosing how we spend our time, and the importance of understanding why we make the choices that we do.
But once you’ve made that choice about how to spend your time… do you commit to it? And, more importantly, do you protect your time? By which I am asking, do you take yourself — and commitments to yourself — seriously? Because… I don’t.
This is hard to admit, but while I am good(-ish) at making and keeping commitments to others around me, I am terrible at making and keeping commitments for myself.
When I commit to speaking at a conference or on a panel, I am there on-time, coffee in-hand, with my speaking materials and an extra power cord, ready to go. When I commit to picking up a friend from the airport (remember those days?), I am there on time, in a prime parking place, waving at them from the driver’s seat.
But when I say I’m going to do something for myself — say, write from 9:00 a.m. to noon on Thursday morning — it’s just so easy to flake out on myself. It’s so easy to move the rest of my day around, to not write and wash dishes or check email or make a phone call or pay bills instead.
Even when I reserve or block off time on the calendar, even when I type “IMPORTANT! MUST DO!!!” in the calendar event description, I always find some way to stand myself up. The reason why I do this is rooted in so many things — avoidance, procrastination, self-sabotage, fear, and resistance, which, let’s be real, are all related. I think there’s also a healthy dose of low self-worth and low self-respect there, too, along with some broken trust. Because, as melodramatic as this sounds, I betray myself when I don’t show up for myself.
Does this resonate with you? Or… are you able to set aside time and make the commitment to yourself that you will do exactly what you planned during that time?
If you’re in the latter camp, what does get in your way when you set aside time to write, create, or work on a passion project? Screaming kids? Meetings that run late? A phone that won’t stop ringing (or dinging with notifications)? Construction in the street outside your window? A spouse or coworker who won’t stop interrupting you?
Whether the culprit is internal (ourselves) or external (the world and people around us), we all need to think about how we can protect our time — again, from others, or even from ourselves. (And maybe you’re even facing a mixture of both internal and external.)
If you’re the one getting in your own way, the first thing you can do is acknowledge it. Sometimes we creators are our own worst enemies, and before we can begin to resolve the issue, we need to admit that it exists. Depending on where your self-betrayal is rooted, you may want to begin with setting very small, achievable goals (e.g., “Write 10 words on Thursday morning”) and making it a habit. Now, for folks like us, committing to a habit can be extremely difficult, but it’s easier and more fun (and even painless!) if the task is small and doable. Perhaps even ask someone you trust to hold you accountable as you get started with your new commitment/goal.
If your issue isn’t self-betrayal so much as an inability to focus, ADD, OCD, etc., please go easy on yourself, and be patient. Hydrate. Breathe deeply. Practice good sleep hygiene. Caffienate, if it helps you focus. Take your meds, if you have them. An accountability buddy may help you, too.
Either way, be kind to yourself, give yourself tons of grace, and forgive yourself if you slip up and let yourself down again.
For folks with external time protection issues — “boundaries” is the magic word. Set your calendar as “unavailable”. Turn off your phone (or set it to “Do Not Disturb” mode). Sign out of Slack. Close the office door (and lock it, if need be) — and if you don’t have a door, see if you can get out of others’ line of sight (yes, I’m suggesting that you hide). Invest in sound-canceling headphones. Learn how to gently and firmly say, “No.” Remember that your time is important, and that it is your time.
None of this is easy. But it’s so, so crucial to those of us who want to flourish in our creative lives. Protecting our time — our most valuable resource — is essential to getting anything done.
Words & warmth,
Sarah