Creativity First

I have a lot of trouble putting my creative work FIRST.

Even though I know in the depths of my heart that this is the work I am meant to do, and that I am living out my true purpose when I am writing and creating… I still struggle to prioritize it.

I’ve seen a lot of movies and TV shows where a character is condoned for prioritizing their work over quality time with family & friends — “The LEGO Movie”, “Scrooged”, “Liar Liar”, “The Devil Wears Prada” — and I’ve taken it as a clear signal that putting one’s work first is A Bad Thing.

“Family first,” media tells me. And in my mind, this includes close friends & other loved ones. And it sounds great. Like… what kind of monster WOULDN’T put their family/friends first?

However, I am supposed to be learning how to establish boundaries right now. I have a lot of work that needs my full attention and focus. I know that in order to do that, I need to shut myself in my office, put on my noise-canceling headphones, and set my phone to “Do Not Disturb” for 3-4 hours (or more) at a time.

I cannot do these things without feeling incredibly guilty and self-serving. How dare I not put others first? How dare I ignore someone who may need my help or assistance? How will my husband, family, & friends feel if I don’t respond to their messages and texts within minutes? Neglected, ignored, unloved?

Where is the border between service and neglect? How do you settle into long periods of deep focus on work without feeling selfish and Scrooge-like? That’s what I am struggling to nail down — and I don’t even have kids.

I think part of it, too, is that I don’t think of my work as important enough — I still refer to my work as “my silly little project” or “my meaningless scribbles”. Because how could one of my projects possibly compete with the needs of a loved one?

How dare I create?

Or… am I doing it right?