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Why Do We Do This To Ourselves?
I gave my first TEDx talk last week, and while I learned a lot about myself and the topic, I also learned (and re-learned) a lot about what it means to let yourself get burned out, exhausted, and overwhelmed. (Wheee!)
And what it means to keep yourself in that state for long (and unsustainable) periods of time.
The more I reflected on how I had essentially harmed myself in constructing a talk about how to not harm yourself (!), the more I realized how much of an epidemic this is.
So many of us — writers, parents, employees, students — are in a state of constant burnout, exhaustion, and overwhelm. And often, we don’t even know it. Hopefully today’s episode will help you identify where you are on that spectrum… and how we might begin to deal with it.
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Helpful Resources
In today’s episode, I mention:
- Write Now Episode 003: Writing As Self-Care
- Write Now Episode 064: How To Rest As A Writer
- The War of Art by Stephen Pressfield (Amazon link)
- Deep Work by Cal Newport (Amazon link)
- My TEDx talk: “When You Can’t Help Everyone” (TEDx YouTube channel)
What Do You Think?
How do you deal with being burned out, exhausted, and overwhelmed? Or… are you able to prevent yourself from being in that state in the first place? Let us know in the comments below!
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Thanks for listening!
Thank you for sharing so openly. Love all the book references as well. Adding to my reading list:)
Another book that this episode reminded me of is Perfectly Hidden Depression by Dr. Margaret Rutherford.
Themes of perfectionism and performance are part of the message.
Thank you for the recommendation! I just ordered a copy of Perfectly Hidden Depression. 🙂 -Sarah
Hi Sarah,
Great episode. I’m glad to see more of the Write Now episodes! I am just digging myself out of feeling exhausted by life. I just graduated a year ago, got my first “adult” office job. I have a great, honestly easy, job in sales and digital marketing. I work with other women and it’s a great workplace. Nonethless… life overwhelms me. My closet is overwhelming, my FOMO and friendships. I’m a little overindulgent with my napping, for sure.
With the sunlight coming in and spring around, it has been a lot easier to feel motivated. Still, I find my creative projects hitting the back burner. I am experiencing a lot of creative anxiety… why write if it’s not going to be good enough? Why paint when there are so many brilliant artists out there? I’ve been unable to complete anything since my graduation burnout last year. I feel like I need more rest, but to what end? I feel like my creativity has withered away, but what I am focusing on now is simply planting the seeds and nurturing the plant of creativity inside of me. I’m trying to be patient and caring, all though it can be frustrating seeing all the beautiful words and art on the internet/social media.
Thank you for you podcast! Sometimes you feel like my pocket creativity therapist and it’s very comforting.
Hi Sarah,
I am working two jobs and I am exhausted all the time. I am doing exactly what you talked about, this unsustainable burning of the candle stick. I know I will get back to my creative pursuits. I am reminding myself about what a fleeting moment this is, and that I will always be writer. This is spite of the fact that I currently have none of the mental energy takes to write. My jobs get all of my best energy at the end of the day or the week I am left with the pulp. I have faith in myself in my creativity in my writing. This lack of sleep is effecting my name.
I listened to this after watching your TEDx talk, which I’ve already shared with a friend. Have to say – WOW. Both of your talks are so timely for me.
I’m 51 years old, married, and have been a mostly stay-at-home mom for the past 23 years. I’ve always felt a little guilty about that – staying at home – even though it is work to raise children, care for a home, and support my husband in his work. Although I don’t have the stresses of a full time job outside the home, I still feel burned out and exhausted, and depressed.
About 9 years ago, I started taking martial arts classes. At the moment I’m a second degree black sash in Chinese martial arts (kung fu) and am being encouraged to test for my 3rd degree. It’s a test of huge physical endurance, which starts off with a 2 mile run, 500 crunches, 200 pushups (done on toes, not knees) — then performing, fighting, self defense, etc. I’m also an aspiring writer and an aspiring watercolor and pastel artist … and I teach tai chi at the martial arts school where I train. I had also aspired to be a kung fu instructor, but I think I’m letting that aspiration go.
I’ve hit a wall. I can’t create. I can’t write, I can’t paint, I can’t draw. I can’t perform. I don’t even want to clean my house (although I do.) When you talked about spending a day and a half in bed, I had mixed emotions of envy and horror. Envy that you could do it – not that you have it easy and have the time, but envy that you managed to allow yourself to rest – and horror at the thought that if *I* did that, what would I have missed out on trying to accomplish? The truth is that I could really use a day like that, and my husband would probably indulge me in it, but I am too scared that I might not want to get up and get back the things that have driven me.
So … I’m standing against that wall that I’ve hit. I’ve not been productive – not by a long shot – in probably weeks towards my goals – more like I’ve been spinning my wheels and busily doing stuff, but not accomplishing much. I’m giving myself a focused day off today to consider where I am and what I need to do to feel good and re-start. I’m kind of afraid that I’m going to decide not to press forward with my martial arts goals, as I love martial arts. I’m also afraid I’m never going to have good inspiration to write or draw again. I feel like my cup is not just empty, but dried out to the point of cracking, and might not be able to hold a refill. After I sign off here, I’m going to sit down with my bullet journal and do a writing/brain dump to see if I can bring my thoughts back in line. And I’m going to re-read the War of Art, thanks to your reminder about that book – and see if the cup is ready to accept a refill.
I just came out of a busy cycle of creation. 14 months of scheduled writing, with a 1 month break during the holidays. With a busy December, it didn’t feel like a break by the time I stepped back into the process. I spent another 4 months creating and only now caught a break with zero plans or obligations outside of a small business. I still get the urge to write, every day, so I jot down quick notes. I try to remember that I’m taking a necessary break. I read more, play board games, get outside and just try not to think. If I end up making anything articulate, I’ll make music to hold me over. It’s been nice to see my quick notes mass into a bigger idea over time. We’ll see how I feel about them once I return to my routine.
Randy, I feel this!!! Let me know how it goes when you return to your routine… -Sarah
Between this and your TED talk, this has been timely for me. For about a year now, my mother was in declining health and I felt like I was the one who had to make sure someone visited her in the hospital or long term care facility. About half of that time, these facilities were an hour away from home. I also work an hour away from home in the opposite direction from where my mother was, so many days were drive an hour north, work 8-4:15, drive an hour south, grab a sandwich, drive another hour south, visit my mother, and drive another hour north. That, as you might guess, contributed to a diet of too much caffeine and carbs. My mother passed away in late February and about three weeks later, I ended up in the hospital because of ridiculously high blood sugar. So I’m on a strict diet and medication now and things are back to normal. But it really hammered home the point of self-care. I’m still struggling with the balance thing, but I’ve been forced to take care of myself more. Thanks for sharing and know you’re not alone!
Oh gosh — thank you for sharing your own story, Mike!!! -Sarah