Introvert & Extrovert Writers – WN 054

This is The Write Now Podcast with Sarah Werner, Episode 54: Introvert And Extrovert Writers.

Welcome to Write Now, the podcast that helps aspiring writers and all writers to find the time, energy, and courage you need to pursue your passion and to write every day. I am your host, Sarah Werner, and I have walking pneumonia. This is perhaps not how you thought I would begin an episode on being an introvert or an extrovert as a writer. But this is what’s going on. This is what’s happening lately in my life, sickness. So I had been feeling really crummy for a long time. I’d been tired for a while. And I also have asthma, and so I just figured I had this really long lasting cold that was exacerbated by my asthma. Turns out, I had a giant colony of bacteria living in my lungs, because my wonderful husband and several wonderful close friends finally convinced me to see a doctor.

And when I went to see the doctor, he said, “Sarah, it’s probably one of two things. It’s probably just really awful allergies or walking pneumonia. And we’re going to test you for both and see which one it is.” And as you may have guessed, the results came back and I have both. So, I not only apparently had walking pneumonia for like 60 days, but I also am allergic to Kentucky bluegrass, the plant, not the music, not one but two types of dust mites, and fun fact, when you’re allergic to dust mites, you are not actually allergic to the dust mites, you’re allergic to their excrement. So, that’s just delightful. And finally, and kind of dishearteningly, they tested me for cat allergies. Those of you who listen to this show often know that I have two cats who live in my house. And I’m always like, “No, I can’t be allergic to cats because I go away on vacation somewhere and then I still have symptoms and asthma while I’m away. So it can’t possibly be cats.”

Oh, was I wrong? In addition to my Kentucky bluegrass, two types of dust mites, and a very tiny, slight, minor allergies to dogs, I am extremely allergic to cats. If you’re not a cat person, you’re probably like, well, if you are a cat person you feel my pain. So, of course, the first question people ask is “Sarah, are you over your walking pneumonia yet?” The second question they ask is, “Are you getting rid of your cats?” To which I say, “No. No, I am not.” I am keeping them forever because I plan on them living forever. So we just went on a vacuuming craze and put in special hypoallergenic, whatever, things in the bed to make sure the dust mites don’t kill me in my sleep.

I’m just going to try to avoid the Kentucky bluegrass and take my Allegra and try to continue living with my kitty cats. So that’s what’s new in my life, I guess. Not necessarily the allergies, but the realization that I have them, also the walking pneumonia. Which when I tell people about it, there seems to be this sort of mental equivalent between walking pneumonia and walking dead. Like I say, walking pneumonia, and I think people actually hear walking dead when I say that. It’s very weird. Maybe it’s one of those things that just sounds worse than it is. I don’t know. But I’m feeling better. I’m feeling like a person again. I’m feeling happy. And maybe it’s the antibiotics, maybe it’s the fact that I am still making time in my schedule every day for creative writing. Yes. The experiment from last week has continued.

I am at, I think 27,000 words, maybe a little bit more than that, and having the time of my life. So, just really excited to be writing again and also over my walking pneumonia. So all of this stuff made me think of rest and relaxation and energy and excitement and where we get that stuff. And part of it comes from being healthy. So, not having walking pneumonia. But also the situations in which we put ourselves in and which we find ourselves. Sometimes actively, sometimes passively. So while I was sick, I was up and around and I was trying to live life as fully in with as much gusto as I did when I was healthy. And people are like, “Sarah, Sarah, you got to stop. You got to lay down. You got to rest. You got to relax.” And I was like, “Well, I’m taking medicine. That’s what makes me get better.”

But, turns out rest is pretty good for you too. And part of resting means being good to yourself and not over-committing and not being insanely busy. And it turns out this is not only good for healing, but it’s good for writing. Taking a rest every once in a while and recharging is something that every writer needs to do. And this got me thinking of different ways that people relax and recharge, because there’s not just one way to do it. Not everybody is like me. And when they get home from a stressful day at work, they just want to climb into bed, go into the fetal position and just read a book under the covers for 12 hours. Some people like to go out with friends. Some people like to go dancing. Some people like to host what I would see as an extremely stressful dinner party, or other social occasion, and they just get a kick out of it. And that’s what recharges them.

Where I’m going with this, is the concept of being an introvert and an extrovert. Now, there are a lot of myths that surround this whole idea of introversion and extroversion. There’s the myth that extroverts are loud, friendly people, loving people who love to talk about themselves. And introverts are shy little peons, who just like to hide and have trouble speaking and making friends. These are not only both incredibly extreme, but also rude. No one wants to be stereotyped in that way. There’s this myth that only extroverts can be leaders or good leaders, while introverts are cripplingly shy. And for the most part, antisocial. I know that these myths are extremely pervasive because when I tell people I’m an introvert, their first reaction is often surprise.

They’re like, “No, you’ve a podcast, you do public speaking, you like to talk to people. You’re an extrovert.” And I’m like, “Well, you don’t see me after work, when I go home and climb into bed, resume the fetal position, and read a book for 12 hours.” I’m an introvert but I’m not quiet. I’m an introvert but I love people. I’m an introvert and I love to talk. Maybe you’ve noticed this because I have a podcast. I’m an introvert and I love hugs. Look at me breaking all these stereotypes. Because the division between introvert and extrovert comes down, not really to how good you are with people, or how friendly you are, or how outgoing you are, or how shy you are, but rather what energizes you, where do you get your energy?

At the end of a long day, do you climb into bed, under the covers and read a book, maybe wearing some sweat pants, maybe with a cup of tea on the nightstand? Or are you more like let’s tear it up, and you run around on the town with your friends drinking and having an amazing time. What recharges your spirit? I want to point out two things before I carry on. The first of which is that, I think very few people are actually a complete introvert or a complete extrovert. There’s a spectrum, in the middle is this thing called being an ambivert, which is, being a little bit of an extrovert, a little bit of an introvert. I took a personality test and I’m like 51% introvert, 49% extrovert. So really, that middle ambivert.

But what that means for me is I love people. I love people so much. I look forward to going to my job every day because of the people there. And so, I get there and I see how they’re doing, and I talk to them about how their evening was, and what their plans are, and what their dreams are for the future and what they want to accomplish with their lives. And then at some points I snap and I’m like, “Nope, I’m done with people now.” And then that’s when I go and hide. So I love being around people until I don’t anymore. Maybe you can relate. It’s like, to use a very bittersweet cat analogy, when you’re petting a cat and they’re like, yay, yay, hooray, purr, purr, purr, you’re petting me. And then just like, bam, all of a sudden they crane their neck around and bite you really hard on the hand. It’s like that moment where they get really overstimulated and they’re just like, nope, I’m done with this. That’s me in social situations.

And then after I do my little alone recharging time, then I’m out the door the next day looking forward to schmoozing with people again. So, the other thing I want to point out is that this whole introvert extrovert thing is super duper debunked. It’s not scientific. And in fact, it has been called dangerous armchair philosophy. There’s not like a special diagnosis where, “Oh, I have diagnosed you as an introvert or an extrovert.” That’s not a thing. Rather, what it is, is a really interesting assessment of how we react to and engage with different social stimuli. And I think that as writers, it can be very important. No, I don’t want to use the word important. It can be valuable to understand where in the spectrum you fall. So introvert, ambivert, extrovert-wise, you might know already where you fall on the spectrum.

I joined a women’s leadership program in our community here in 2014. And as part of that, I took what’s called the Myers-Briggs test. The Myers-Briggs test is an extensive personality test that you take that lets you know at the end of the test, not only whether you’re introverted or extroverted, but also whether you have other personality traits as well. I guess not if you have other personality traits, but like what they are. It does this using four letters in a sequence and you may have seen these letters crop up in people’s Twitter bios, or maybe LinkedIn. Maybe they have it on their Facebook or they talk about it at work. Maybe you’ve been on a corporate retreat where people talk about their Myers-Briggs test results. This is what they’re talking about. So, my Myers-Briggs test results where I N F P. And the I, stands for introvert.

And again, most people, even if they haven’t taken the test before, I think most people self identify pretty accurately like, “Oh, I’m an introvert or I’m an extrovert.” There’s some people who don’t and maybe you’re one of these people. In which case, the Myers-Briggs costs money, but there are accurate online versions that you can take for free. My favorite one is called 16 Personalities. That’s the numbers, 16, the word personalities.com. If you want to go take the test online, it’s free, it takes about 12 minutes, and it’ll try to encourage you to pay for the premium upgrade, but don’t. I mean, unless you really want to. But I advise not spending money.

We starving artists have to stick together. So go ahead and take the quiz. I’ll make sure that there’s a link to it in the show notes for today’s episode, episode number 54. And again, that’s 16 personalities.com. So, if you want, you can go there right now. You can pause this podcast episode and go take it right away. Or you can just keep listening it’s up to you. So if you decide to take the test, what you’ll get is a series of four letters. The first of which will be an I for introvert, or an E for extrovert, and a little blurb that talks about the essence of what it means to be that personality type. There are 16 total combinations, and yes, there are more than just 16 types of people in the world. So while it won’t be ridiculously accurate, it will also be, I think, interestingly close to who you are. So for me, I N F P, this is called the mediator. And it says INFP personalities are true idealists, always looking for the hint of good in even the worst of people and events. Searching for ways to make things better.

While they may be perceived as calm, reserved, or even shy, INFP’s have an inner flame and passion that can truly shine. It goes on, but I won’t read it. But I feel like that’s fairly accurate to how I view myself. Maybe it’s not, I don’t know. Maybe we’re all deluded. Sometimes it’s just fun and interesting to see how other people describe someone like yourself, because it helps you see things within yourself that you maybe weren’t aware existed. But then when you read them or learn about them, they really resonate with you. You’re like, oh yeah, that’s totally me. So I find part of this really interesting because the analysis goes through not only like, oh, here’s who you are, but also, how do you make decisions? How do you interact with other people? What really drives you? What motivates you? And one thing that really caught my eye was in decision making, and it says, when deciding how to move forward, INFP’s will look to honor, beauty, morality and virtue. INFP’s are led by the purity of their intent, not rewards or punishments.

So I read that and I was like, oh yeah, totally. I don’t care if this volunteer position pays, which it doesn’t, as long as I’m able to go out and do some good and right some wrongs, like this is awesome. I really am driven by that. So, I don’t know. Hopefully you’ll go through and just find some cool little hidden things that you didn’t know that were true about yourself. Or maybe you’ll take this and hate it. Either way, it’s interesting. One thing that I do really appreciate, and this is where I’m going with this podcast episode, is that these profiles are several pages long that it generates for each different personality type. And it touches not only on decision-making, but also strengths and weaknesses. And I think this is really illuminating for writers, because it can help us to understand the situations in which we flourish, and the situations in which we maybe are not at our best, where we maybe don’t feel restful, or don’t feel creative, or don’t feel energetic.

So going back to the initial topic of this episode, I was talking about rest and self care. And when I told one of my friends that I have walking pneumonia, he texted me back, “Oh my gosh, why are you going to all these social events? You need to be in hermit mode.” And I was like, “Oh my gosh. Yeah, that sounds really appealing.” But hermit mode as an introvert is where I flourish. It’s where I rest. It’s where I heal. And maybe I should’ve been indulging in that way before I contracted walking pneumonia. I also want to apologize for the number of times I’ve said walking pneumonia in this episode, I feel like it’s getting ridiculous. So, I am sorry. But depending on whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert, this can help you decide where you’re going to do your writing. If you’re an introvert, you may want to stay home, lock yourself in your office, shut the door, kick out the pets and the kids.

If you’re an extrovert, you may want to go to the coffee shop down the street, or head out to a well-populated library, or get together with several other writer friends and have an active writing group, or writing retreat, or writing get together, where you sit together and you write. It can also help you prepare if you know in what situations you’re going to be throughout the day. So, say, you have a lunch period where you know you can get away and be by yourself and you’re an introvert, maybe that’s a great time for you to work on your novel, or write a poem, or work on your memoir, or whatever it is you’re writing. It’s also good to realize if you’re an extrovert like, “Hey, I’ve been crammed in my dorm room studying for the last eight hours. I’m going to go insane and kill something if I don’t get out with my friends and recharge with people I love.”

In this case, it’s either time for me to stop studying/writing, or it’s time for me to get into a group of people and do those things. It can also help you decide to be more intentional about where you are and how flexible you can be in those places. That’s like the most vague sentence I’ve ever said. But what I mean is, if you’re an extrovert, you’re out on the town, maybe bring along your laptop. Maybe you’ll find some space in which to write. Same thing is true if you’re an introvert, I guess. The other thing that really interests me is the different roles that an author has to play. And what’s interesting here is that, there’s this myth that all writers are introverts. Writing is usually seen as a very solitary exercise, where a writer locks themselves in their ivory tower with a typewriter or a sheaf of paper, and they just write, and there alone, and they’re happy with the voices in their head and that’s it.

Well, this is not true. Many amazing writers are extroverts. A lot of them are. And so, when it comes to being a writer, there are several roles that an extrovert excels at and several roles that an introvert excels at. I think it’s really valuable to understand your strengths and weaknesses, so you know what to maybe hand off to somebody else or pay someone else to do, or maybe work on your skills in a certain area a little bit more. I talked a lot about this in the last episode, episode number 53. But I’m always looking for ways to improve life, and improve the way I do things, and just opportunities for improvement. And so, this is where I find some of these. And here’s a little bit about what I’m talking about so you can have a picture. So, a writer or an author needs to know how to write, obviously, but there’s a lot involved in that, there’s reading, and listening, and seeing, and strategizing, and marketing, and PR, and talking to people, and communicating and selling.

And so, there’s this huge list of skills that a writer has or maybe should have kind of-ish. And different writers, whether they’re introverts or extroverts, might be a little better at some and a little worse at others. For example, introverts tends to take a little longer to process things. So, they take a little bit longer to listen. A lot of introverts are good listeners. Listening is a skill that can be often used for crafting realistic dialogue, absorbing stories that they hear, and understanding people’s motivations. On the flip side, extroverts might be a little bit more comfortable or energy filled when they’re meeting people and talking to different people. So they might have a broader range of examples of people to draw upon, a different spectrum of personalities to look at and analyze when they’re drawing on real life for dialogue, for stories, all of that good stuff.

So those are two roles or skills that are necessary for being a writer. And introverts may be a little better at one and extroverts may be a little bit better at the other. Maybe they’re both good at both. I won’t presume to dictate that for you. Although introvert skills tends to be sitting down and doing the writing, focusing, thinking, plotting, planning, strategizing, pontificating on the hidden depths of the soul. Introverts also tend to be very good at seeing details. They can see things that other people miss, or they read body language that might go over the head of someone else. Meanwhile, extroverts have their own set of skills. They might have a keen insight on what makes people tick. They might be able to connect with and empathize a little bit better with characters or with their readers. They might be more comfortable talking to a crowd, or doing a book signing, or going to a convention, that may be what drives and excites them to publish their book.

Similarly, maybe there are some opportunities here that introverts and extroverts can take on. Such as, an extrovert sitting down and practicing active listening with someone. Or an introvert going up to a stranger and introducing themselves and telling them about their book. Because an author isn’t just one thing, being a writer isn’t just one thing. I feel cheesy saying this, but it’s a lifestyle. It’s a way that you live. And it’s not just the act of sitting down and putting words on paper. It’s that at its very core. But when you take it in holistically, it’s so much more. It’s talking to people, it’s writing, it’s listening, it’s storytelling, it’s connecting, it’s creating, it’s selling. So what is it about being a writer that energizes you? Take the test, read through the strengths, take them to heart. Read through the weaknesses and opportunities and take those to heart too.

There’s a saying or phrase, I think it originated in the Greek, but then was later translated to Latin that says, Tenet Nocem, and I’m probably mispronouncing the heck out of that because I never took Latin, but it means, know thyself. And I think that’s one of the most difficult things we as writers are called to do, is to understand who we are. And I am definitely not saying that a 12 minute personality test on the internet is going to tell you everything you need to know about who you are, but it’s a starting point. It’s a point for you to sit and think and say, “What about this is right, and what about this is wrong? Who am I at the core of this all?” It’s so easy to be distracted by things.

I’m podcasting right now and I have my phone less than a foot away from me. That’s how close the internet is to me, with its wealth of games and information and books. It’s really easy for us to be distracted, and really difficult for us to sit down and just exist with ourselves and get to know ourselves. But when it comes right down to it, as writers, what are we doing aside from trying to understand and give language to the human condition? So I encourage you today, sit down, think for a while about who you are. Maybe use the Myers-Briggs as a starting point, or maybe not. Maybe write some ideas down in your journal, writer strengths, writer weaknesses, and how you can use each or improve each in your path to becoming a writer. I received several lovely and wonderful emails this week that I am really excited to share with you.

The first of which is an email from podcast listener, Juul, who writes, “Hello, Sarah. I was looking for writing podcasts and stumbled upon yours, but I didn’t listen right away. My one-year-old daughter turned your show on for me after she stole my phone, funny little munchkin. I’ve been addicted ever since. You have such a calm style with actionable advice. I’ve been learning so much. Thank you.” Thank you, Juul. That is really, really awesome and delightful. I love that story. I have another one from podcast listener Kelvin, who says, “I’ve been trying to find a great writing podcast for a while now. Your podcast has all of the elements I was looking for. Not that there aren’t any other great podcasts out there for writers, but your simplicity and feel for solo conversation is very enlightening. I’m a young 18 year old, and I find your podcast very helpful and inspiring. I’m starting a novel, and when it is a success, you will be one of the people I will credit.”

Kelvin, you are wonderful. Thank you so much and the absolute best of luck to you as you work on your novel. I love getting email. I can’t answer them all right away as soon as I would like to, but hopefully I do get around to answering them all. And so, please do feel free to write in. I read every single email that I get. You can contact me by emailing hello@sarahwerner.com. You can also navigate to my websites, sarahwerner.com, go over to the contact tab and just fill out the handy little form there. Or you can contact me on social media. The Write Now podcast is on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, all of the things. And so, you can find me wherever you prefer. Also, I send out a newsletter about this podcast. So, if you want to be one of the first people to know when the right now podcast is released, you can sign up for my mailing list. You can do that at sarahwerner.com, in the very, very top of the website. There’s a black bar that says email address. You just put your email address in there and it signs you up.

You can also navigate to my contact page and there is a link there for signing up as well. Every time I create a new episode with the Write Now podcast, I have a lot of people that I like to thank because I don’t do this alone. First and foremost, I want to thank you for listening. I’ve said it before, and I will say it again, but I wouldn’t create this without you. I wouldn’t just shout my words into the void if I didn’t know someone amazing like you was listening. So, thank you for listening. I also love to thank my wonderful, wonderful Patreon supporters. Patreon is a secure third-party donation platform where people like you who want to support shows like mine can give 50 cents an episode, $1 per episode, $2 per episode, what have you, whatever you feel you can afford and is worth it to you.

And in return there’s different levels, sort of like a PBS pledge drive. So like, oh, if you’re at this level you get a mug and a shout out on the episode and all this stuff. So, I would like to thank official cool cats, Sean Locke and Rebecca Werner, official cool cat, Matthew Paulson, official rare dudes, Andrew Coons and the Sioux Empire Podcast and official caffeine enablers, Colleen Cotolessa, and War Writer. You are all deeply wonderful. And I appreciate you so much. The funds that you donate go to help me pay for hosting costs, equipment costs, and covering my time. All of which are incurred by this very fun and exciting hobbies. So, thank you so much. Your donations also help keep the Write Now podcast ad free. So, I really do deeply appreciate that. If you are interested in becoming a patron of the Write Now podcast, you can do this in a couple different ways.

You can go out to patreon.com and search for either Sarah Rhea Werner or the Write Now podcast. Or you can go to the show notes for today’s episode and click support this podcast. Or I just added a third way you can do this, and I’m so proud of it. You can go to sarahwerner.com. So go to my website slash Patreon. So, sarahwerner.com/Patreon and it will take you right to my Patreon page. I actually built links like this for a lot of different things on my website. So, if you go to say, sarahwerner.com/iTunes, it will take you to my show in iTunes, sarahwarner.com/iHeartRadio to find the Write Now podcast on iHeartRadio. sarahwerner.com/speakers/stitchers/android/google play. I maybe went a little overboard, but those are all up and available and working.

So check them out. There’s also sarahwerner.com/email, if you want a quick way to sign up for my email and newsletter. I hope that you’re having a good writing week. And if not, I hope you’re having a good writing day or a good writing hour or a good writing minute. I hope that you get one of these things very soon. I hope that you are finding time to write. I hope that you are staying energized to want to become a writer or to keep being a writer. And I hope most of all this week that you are resting, relaxing, and recharging to make sure that you have the energy you need to do this thing that you love. And with that, this has been episode 54 of the Write Now podcast. The podcast that helps aspiring writers and all writers to find the time, energy and courage you need to pursue your passion and to write every day. I am Sarah Werner and I’m going to go into hermit mode.