This is the Write Now Podcast with Sarah Werner, Episode 109: The Blank Page

Welcome to Write Now, the podcast that helps all writers, aspiring professionals and otherwise to find the time, energy and courage you need to pursue your passion and write. I’m your host, Sarah Werner, and today I’m asking the question, do you ever feel like when you sit down to write there’s just nothing there? Do you ever feel like you have nothing to say or perhaps more realistically nothing worthwhile to say? Do you ever just sit there staring at the blank page waiting for something to happen? Something, I don’t know, magical like some kind of writing hero will kick in the door or the window and say, “Never fear, I am here.” And then the writing hero sits down at your desk and starts filling up the blank page with words and it’s just so wonderful. Yeah, I don’t know where this story is going but do you ever feel like that? Because guess what? I do.

Sometimes writers will say jokingly or not jokingly, that their biggest fear is the blank page and I get it and maybe you get it too. A blank page can mean so many different things to so many different writers. For some writers, a blank page represents all of the work they still have to do and that can feel daunting and downright overwhelming. For other writers, a blank page reflects all of their self doubt and anxiety. How could I possibly come up with enough good, smart, wise, interesting words to fill up this massive blank space? And maybe even a little bit of, I don’t think I’m good enough to fill up this space, maybe I’m not worthy enough to fill up this space.

Back in 2020 I did some thinking about the blank page and realized that often a blank page is an indictment of myself, in other words evidence that I should be condemned or spoken against or charged with whatever the crime of not being cool enough or smart enough or witty enough. The blank page often becomes a place of judgment when you look at it this way. And I think in a lot of creators minds it’s not a huge leap to go from I don’t feel like I have anything to put on this blank page to the blank page is a reflection of my defeat. The blank page is a metaphor for everything I don’t have to say. The blank page is indicative of my worth. And I know it’s easy to go down that road because I’ve been there too and the longer we stare at that blank page the worse it gets. We get into our own head and the self-criticism becomes sharper and meaner and more pointed.

I don’t know if any of this is resonating with you personally. In a way I hope it’s not. I hope that when you look at a blank page you are filled with hope and joy and inspiration at the opportunity to create and to put your story down in words. I hope that that’s how it is for you. But if it’s not and if staring at a blank page brings you anxiety, fear, even judgment and indictment of yourself, then I hope that you find today’s episode useful.

I was texting with a friend and fellow writer the other day and this is one of my friends who is never at a loss for anything to say. You can get on a call with them, you can watch one of the live streams that they’re doing, and it seems like they can just talk effortlessly for hours on end. So, I was surprised when this friend texted me and said, “I don’t have anything to say.” And I was like, “Tell me more because this sounds very unusual for you.” And they were like, “I’m working on my newsletter and there’s nothing to say. I don’t have anything to say.”

And there’s just so many layers here of everything that’s going on because when this person messaged me saying they had nothing to say for their upcoming newsletter I was also struggling with coming up with what to say for my next newsletter and my next several Write Now podcasts. But when somebody comes to you with a problem it’s really, for whatever reason it’s very easy to solve their problem without realizing that you are having the same problem and that you actually know how to solve it.

So, of course to this friend I said, “Okay, that’s ridiculous. You have so much to say, not even just because you are a person who is just naturally gifted at verbosity, which might be a word that I just made up. But because you have so much wealth of knowledge to share. You have so much life experience. You know what it’s like to be a struggling writer. And there are so many people who can benefit from your story.” Because you see, from the outside it can often seem like the problem is easily solved. So I said, “Get out your journal and just start writing. See what comes out. See what ideas your brain has in store. And maybe even just write about the fact that you have nothing to write about or you feel like you have nothing to write about.” And then with a beautiful, delicious irony that I did not realize at the time I sat down my phone and I continued to stare at my own blank page thinking to myself that it was so easy for everyone else but I had nothing to say or I had said it all before.

Sometimes I go through previous episodes of the Write Now Podcast and I’m like, “I could talk about imposter syndrome. I talked about that back in 2016.” Or, “I could talk about marketing but I’ve talked about that before and people are going to get sick of it.” It’s so easy to get into your own head and think you have nothing to say or nothing left to say or nothing worthwhile to say and it’s really easy for that to become our mantra. It’s so easy for us to get caught up in reciting, “I have nothing to say, I have nothing to say, I have nothing to say,” until it feels like it becomes true and we become desperate for ideas and we begin casting out our net for anything, anything that could make sense, that would work. But in doing so, we give into a fear and an anxiety that almost feels like it makes things worse, like it puts a strain on our creativity, like it’s a self fulfilling prophecy.

Because here’s the thing, and I know this is going to sound like a platitude or like the most unhelpful advice you’ve ever heard in your entire life but you always have something to say. There’s always thoughts going on in your brain. Even when you feel brain dead, even when you feel like you’re flatlining, you have lived such a rich and meaningful life up to this point. There’s always something to say. So why don’t we always feel like that is the case? Well, I did some thinking about this and I broke down…. Well I mean, I didn’t break down, but I broke down the different reasons that might be the root of why we often don’t feel like we have anything to say. And I want to run through those with you because I think that these are very common issues for writers and I don’t often see them being talked about. Or if they’re being talked about somewhere I don’t know where it is and I would love for you to point me in the right direction.

First on the list as always is fear. Fear is one of the biggest roadblocks that get in our way as writers. Fear is at the root of perfectionism. Fear is at the root of so many of our problems. And here it shows up again because maybe we’re afraid that what we say or what we write won’t possibly be quote unquote good enough. I know because this happens to me all the time. Even when I come up with an idea for a Write Now Podcast episode, or a new novel, or a new short story, or a new audio drama, the thought never fails to smack me in the face, “Sarah, you don’t know anything about that topic. Sarah, what you create here won’t possibly be good enough, Sarah, you are not good enough to discuss this, to build this, to create this.”

Fear is at the heart of our not enoughness and often when we look at the blank page that fear is staring right back at us or maybe that fear is manifesting in a different way. Maybe you do have something to say but you’re afraid to say it, maybe you are afraid of backlash or consequences or of somebody finding out that you told a story that they didn’t want you to tell. Or maybe it’s another feeling entirely, maybe you’re feeling depressed, maybe you’ve been sucked into the 24 hour news cycle and you’re just feeling rotten about the world. Maybe you’re depressed and it took all of your energy this morning just to get out of bed which yeah is a real thing, it’s a real affliction and it happens to the best of us. Maybe we are feeling diminished.

Maybe we just got off the phone with a loved one who said, “Writing, you’re still trying to do that,” or something similar. Maybe we just read a scathing review of the very first thing that we’ve published. Maybe we just earned the one star review that broke the camel’s back. Maybe you were out for a walk this morning and some random stranger in a car driving by yelled something nasty at you and made you feel like dirt. Or maybe someone just outright told you that you are not good enough. Whatever was said it’s left you feeling worthless, it’s left you believing those words. You’ve internalized them and you don’t know how to get them back out again.

Or maybe it’s not that dire. Maybe you didn’t get a good night’s sleep last night. Maybe you have kiddos who had nightmares and crawled into bed with you. Maybe you have a cat that likes to stomp on your face in the night. Maybe there’s a lot on your mind and you suffer from insomnia. Maybe you feel like you don’t have anything to say because you are too exhausted and maybe even too burned out to think of anything. Maybe you just got off of a three hour Zoom call and your nerves are shot. Maybe you’re having trouble focusing.

Sometimes I find that I often feel like I have nothing to say just because I have so many different things I want to say and I can’t focus on just one. This is called decision paralysis and it’s a real thing. Or maybe you just have trouble focusing in general, you’re sitting down, you’re staring at that blank page and your brain is fighting you so hard. Your brain is telling you, “Hey Hey. You can relieve this tension by looking at it Twitter.” Or, “Hey, it’s time to switch the laundry over to the dryer.” Or, “Wow those dishes have been sitting in the sink for a really long time. I should go clean them.” I hate doing dishes but it’s a lot less uncomfortable than staring at this blank page. Maybe you don’t feel like you have anything to say because you’ve been slacking on your self-care lately. Maybe you need a cup of tea or a snack or a walk around the block. Maybe you need a nap or maybe you need to go to bed at 8:00 PM tonight.

And this is where things get really interesting because our problem with the blank page is very rarely an actual problem with the blank page itself. Our problem is with ourselves, with our fears, with our distractions, with our anxieties, with the ways in which we don’t take care of ourselves. And speaking out loud or realizing that, “Hey I’m the problem here,” I think doing that can actually make things worse. I feel like it’s possible or maybe even easy to get into a spiral and say, “I’m staring at this blank page. I have nothing to say. I am worthless and it’s my fault that I have nothing to say which just proves how worthless I am.” And that’s a really dangerous way to start thinking. Because what it’s doing is confirming your own negative bias about yourself and I don’t want that for you and I think deep down inside you don’t want that for yourself.

The blank page is so scary to so many writers because it invites us to take an open and honest look at ourselves and that’s often the scariest thing of all. To many of us the blank page is a mirror and when we look in the mirror we look with eyes that are biased to confirming our own worthlessness, our own fears, our own doubts. I want better for you than that and you know what? You deserve better than that. Because the blank page is not here to condemn you. The blank page is here to capture what’s most vibrant and beautiful and affirming about your life as a creator. The blank page is a field of opportunity for you to examine your worth, for you to come to the conclusion that, “Oh wow, my brain is a really rich and beautiful tapestry of ideas and possibilities.”

So how do we get there? I know that when I myself am staring at a blank page cursing myself and saying nasty things to myself under my breath about how worthless I am it can be really difficult to transition to a space where you’re looking at the blank page and instead you’re thinking, “Oh boy, I have so much worth and I have so many cool ideas to express and I know exactly what I’m going to say.” And the hard part is there is no shortcut, there is no quick fix, there is no silver bullet that can flip your mindset from negative to positive, from scarcity to abundance, or if there is I don’t know what it is. But I can tell you that objectively the days where we feel like we don’t have anything to say are no different than the days where we do feel like we have so much to say. It’s all inside of us.

And so, on all of those days when you’re staring at the blank page and thinking in a state of utter despair that you don’t have anything to say you have two options. Number one, you can stop and put away your supplies, close your laptop, put your notebook back on the shelf, release yourself from the responsibility and or the obligation and go do something else. Go rest, go for a walk, go make a cup of tea, go stare out into the woods.

The second thing that you can do is to push forward and create anyway. Now, this is a trick question because you’re going to say, “I know what the right answer is.” But it’s a trick question because there is no right answer. Taking a break and resting is very legitimate and often exactly what we need to do to get out of our negative mindset. Walking away for a little bit is one of the best antidotes for writer’s block. Or pushing forward and creating anyway, again not right or wrong in and of itself. And this is why it’s hard because it’s up to you to make that choice. You’re staring at a blank page, you’re hating yourself, you’re feeling so much despair and loathing, what do you do? Do you take a break and come back to it the next day? Do you take a break and come back to it 10 minutes later? Do you sit there and push forward perhaps starting in your journal and discussing with yourself honestly how you’re feeling and how it’s affecting your ability to work?

It’s not pushing yourself through the pain versus letting yourself off the hook despite what you might have been taught growing up. Rest is important and tenacity is important. Sometimes when I’m not sure which one to choose I’ll take a deep breath and say, “Okay, this is an experiment. I’ll experiment with pushing through and see where I get.” And after 10 minutes if I’m still not feeling it then I’m going to go rest and I’m going to go drink a cup of tea and sit with my cat and I’ll come back to this later.” And then making sure that you actually do come back to it later that’s key. But there is always something to talk about.

You always have something to write even if you feel like you don’t, it’s just a matter of figuring out what is in your way. And maybe that’s really what we’re talking about when we talk about writer’s block, not necessarily a can’t so much as a won’t. Because I think that with writer’s block or that feeling of staring at the blank page and having absolutely nothing in your brain it’s not true. It’s a story that you’re telling yourself ironically. You’re telling yourself that you have nothing to say which is an act of saying something. Because most of the time when we talk about writer’s block the thing that’s in our way is ourselves, our fears, our doubts, our anxieties, our lack of rest or self care. Maybe even the fact that writing is difficult, that looking into that blank page of a mirror every day is one of the hardest things that the human mind can do.

Let’s give ourselves a little credit. I know that people often look at writers and say, “Wow, they sit in a chair and they make up stories all day. Yeah, that’s super hard.” But there is a reason why so few people actually write. Because once you get past the lattes, and the beautiful laptop keyboard covers, and the snoozing cats, and the beam of sunlight off to the side of the desk, writing is simply one-on-one wrestling with yourself, staring at that blank page, staring into that mirror and coming face-to-face with everything that we’ve ever been terrified of. No big deal.

I know that in my attempts to reassure you that you are never without anything to say I may have inadvertently made things worse by setting up this giant existential question of worth, and meaning, and autonomy and choice. So I encourage you to wrestle with this a little bit. If you ever find yourself saying, “I just don’t have anything to say. I don’t have anything to write. I don’t have any ideas for a story.” What are you really saying? What do you really believe about yourself, about writing, about your ability to create? And what are you saying about the blank page? What does that represent for you when you don’t know what comes next? What does that mean?

I want you to remember even if and when you feel like you’re at the end of your rope and you don’t have anything worthwhile, or meaningful, or smart enough or good enough to say that you’re not alone. Every writer feels this, and I don’t even want to say at some point in their lives I want to say often. I feel this often. I was thinking a few weeks ago about ending the Write Now Podcast because I was out of things to talk about. And then I sat down and worked through some issues in my journal and came out on the other side with eight new topics that I’d never considered talking about before.

You are not alone, you are simply facing one of the many reasons why writing is such a difficult thing. And I’m not saying difficult to dissuade you from doing it, I’m saying that it’s difficult because that’s honest but it’s also very worthwhile. It’s so fulfilling. Sometimes I complain about writing to my non-writing friends and they’re like, “Why don’t you just stop and do something that’s more enjoyable?” And I’m like, “But you don’t understand, writing is hard but I love it And I never want to do anything else with my life.” I am a writer and I want you to say that too. You are a writer even when you feel like you don’t have anything to say, even when you feel like you don’t have any new ideas to write about. That doesn’t mean you’re not a writer, it just means that you’re hitting one of the roadblocks that so many of your fellow writers face every single day.

The blank page is scary and it often tells us more about ourselves than we would like to admit. But even though it’s scary, it’s not a bad thing. At the end of the day, the blank page is the place where you get to create your future. The blank page is the place where you get to tell your story. You get to tell the story that is in your heart. You get to tell the story that needs to be told that other people need to read to survive. As writers the blank page is not only the place where we are in control but it is also one of the places where we are out of control. It’s one of our biggest teachers and I’m grateful for it.

I am curious about your own experience with the blank page and if like so many other writers you identify this as one of your biggest fears in writing or if you have made your peace with the blank page or with feeling like you have nothing to say then I would love to know that as well. I would love to hear your thoughts. If you go out to my website sarahwerner.com, that’s S-A-R-A-H-W-E-R-N-E-R .com and navigate to the show notes for this episode, episode number 109, there’s a place where you can submit your comments. And I do read and respond personally to every single comment that I get on my website. And so, I would love to hear your thoughts and your experience with the blank page. Again, that’s sarahwerner.com and navigate to the Write Now episode number 109 and scroll to the bottom of the show notes to leave your comment.

The Write Now Podcast is brought to you by my amazing and beautiful patrons out on Patreon. Patreon is a secure third-party donation platform that allows you to donate a dollar per episode, $2 per episode, $75 per episode, whatever it is you’re feeling this show is worth to you. You can do that one of two ways, by going out to patreon.com, that’s P-A-T-R-E-O-N.com/sarahrheawerner, all one word, S-A-R-A-H-R-H-E-A-W-E-R-N-E-R, or by simply going to the show notes for today’s episode and clicking on the link where it says help support this podcast.

Super special extra thanks go out this week to patrons Amanda L. Dickson, Laurie, Leslie Madsen, Regina Calabrese, Sean Locke, Tiffany Joyner, Leslie Duncan, and Sarah Lauzon. Thank you all so much for your continued support and patronage of this show. And with that, this has been episode 109 of the Write Now Podcast. The podcast that helps all writers, aspiring, professional, and otherwise to find the time, energy and courage, you need to pursue your passion and write. I’m your host, Sarah Werner, and I’m going to go face down that blank page.