My Writing Retreat – WN 028

This is the Write Now Podcast with Sarah Werner. Episode 27, My Writing Retreat.

Welcome to Write Now, the podcast that helps aspiring writers to find the time, energy and courage you need to pursue your passion and to write every day. I’m your host, Sarah Werner. I don’t know if you can notice it in this recording or not, but there’s some background noise going on. What your hearing is the sound of rain falling through trees because I am recording this outside. Every once in a while you might hear a bird or a squirrel or something and yeah, that’s because I am out on a writing retreat. Once a year, usually in the early fall, I leave the hustle and bustle of the city where I live and I rent a tiny one person cabin in the Northern woods of Minnesota. I first did this to come out and just be more productive. The first year I came out here, I brought, I want to say like 82 pens and 30 pencils and a huge stack of notebooks because I planned to get stuff done.

I learned a lesson that year. There’s like a squirrel or something. I have no idea. It’s wonderful. I learned a lesson that first year that I came out here, and that was that a retreat isn’t about productivity and the success of the retreats. Even a writing retreat cannot be measured by the stuff that you produce. I came out here that first time with very set expectations. I said I’m going to sit in the woods and all these words are going to flow from my pen. I’m going to be the next Mary Oliver writing poetry about the meanings of nature. I don’t know. I’m going to win all the prizes because I’m going to be out in nature where a poet should go. What happened? I rented the cabin for three days. The very first night that I arrived, I was tired because it was like a five or six hour drive. I was like, you know what? I’m feeling a little exhausted. It’s probably from my drive. I maybe got sunstroke. I have no idea.

Maybe I’m not properly hydrated. I’m just going to lay down for a little bit and take a nap and then I’m going to start producing. I opened all the windows and the gentle sound of the breeze rushed in, and I just felt so calm and nice. I laid down on the bed which was very nicely made up with a quilt and a nice fluffy pillow. I fell asleep. I woke up 12 hours later. I woke up 12 hours later and I started throwing up. Yeah, I was sick. I proceeded to remain sick throughout all three days of my hermitage, my retreat, my production time. It’s one of those things that happens and you don’t want it to happen but it happens. It was like the universe was like, what? What’s that? You want to do some creative writing? Here’s 10 viruses all at once. Enjoy puking in these beautiful woods that you’ve surrounded yourself with. That first day I pretty much slept the entire day. The second day I was like, I am going to enjoy this retreat if it kills me.

I went on a walk and I was feverish. It was stumbling around in the rain wearing a hoodie. I didn’t have my glasses on, so everything was a little bit blurred. I was stumbling down these paths. It’s in the deep woods in Minnesota and so there’s no pavement or anything. It’s just little trails, little muddy trails. As I stumbled over roots and fully old blindly down these trails, I thought, what am I doing? Then I got the surprise of my life. I just happened to look up. I was about my face was maybe three or four feet away from this other face. This other face was the face of a very large deer. I’ve lived in cities my entire life and so I’ve never seen a deer up close. From far away they always look like these little fleet-footed, delicate animals. But this thing that was standing in front of me, just staring at me with these big liquid black eyes was heavy and real. It stared at me. I will never forget this. It opened up its mouth and it screamed at me.

It went ah. Then it whirled around and it went crashing off through the forest. I mean, it was heavy like a horse. It was like thundering through the forest. I was wondering how long was it standing there staring at me? How did I miss this thing? How would it crept up on me? I watched this deer thundering away through the underbrush and it met up with a fawn and then they both stopped and they looked back at me. They just stared at me for a while. I just stared at them. It was just this weird, magical experience of seeing something very unexpected. I realized that even though I wasn’t busy being productive and writing my butt off, maybe I was still getting something out of this retreat after all, even though it was certainly not what I had expected.

I’m out here once again this year. I’m sitting on this little nice three season porch in the back of the hermitage. I’m not even going to pretend that I know what kind of bird that is, maybe a blue jay. I have no idea, but I am breathing the air and it smells earthy and damp. There are trees all around me just starting to change color. There are little squirrels scrambling up and down the trees. I saw a woodpecker earlier this morning and it was really beautiful. I even went on a walk this morning and I felt something heavy on my shoe. I looked down and there was just this toad sitting on the toe of my shoe just like, what’s up? I’m a fat little toad. I was like, you are a freaking magical little creature and I love you. Then it hops away.

This morning after my walk and after I met my little toad friend, I sat down to write for the very first time since I had arrived. I got in last night. Last night I just drank a glass of wine and watched the sunset through the trees. I took out my little notebook and I jotted down some ideas as they came to me, but I didn’t force myself to produce. I was about to say that’s what today is for. But no, today is not for forced production. Today is for getting a pen and writing the things that I need to write. This episode is going to be a little different from other episodes, and that I’m going to keep you updated, I don’t know, every couple hours or so with what I’m hearing and how I’m doing and what I’m writing, or at least I think that’s what this episode will be. Either way, I will check back in with you soon. In the meantime, I hope you are enjoying all of these random little nature sounds.

Hi, I am back. It is raining. I love rain. I always feel like I write a little bit better when it’s raining outside and I have no idea why. I don’t know if the noise helps me to focus or if I simply like the idea that the rain acts as a curtain that cuts me off from other people, but whatever it is. I feel like I write a little better. I just finished up doing a little bit of writing. I know, I know, writing on a writing retreat. What? But it was good and it was needed and necessary. What I did was I didn’t even bring out my computer. I thought I was going to bring out my computer. I have it out now so that I can record, but I didn’t have it out when I was writing. What I did was just got, I got these 89 cent spiral notebooks from Target, and I got eight of them. I put them in a little stack.

I made some coffee in the coffee maker here. My little cabin does have electricity, which is nice. I started writing by hand and it felt good and it was awesome. I got, I think probably a couple thousand words, which is so much more than I had been writing at home. I know that it’s because I have no obligations here. I know that it’s because I don’t have to worry about, oh, I have an eight o’clock client meeting tomorrow and I have to be prepared for it and I have to speak intelligently as opposed to unintelligently. I even think there’s a train in the distance that I can hear. This is just lovely. I want to sit here and listen to everything. I hand wrote and I decided I would be bound by nothing and I would just get everything out on the page that I was thinking.

I was just on this roll and it was wonderful. I think what I want to do is like, yay, it’s great that I can do that here because I can focus. There’s just all sorts of things that are conducive to me focusing, but how do I take this experience home with me? Because when I get back into the city, it’s different, it’s just fundamentally different. I’m going to have a house full of people and cats. I’m going to have an office that I still need to go to everyday. Not that that’s bad because I love where I work and I love what I do and I love the people I work with. But I love to write, and sometimes that doesn’t really get along with the office style of life. This writing retreat that I go on is something special, and is it something that I necessarily should bring with me back home? Or is it something that I should simply look forward to attending here every year and purposefully setting aside this time?

What I’m trying to figure out now is, do I keep this retreat as just something special that I can escape to once a year, or do I try to find a way to work it into my everyday life? If so, how do I do that? I am going to go and read over what I’ve written. I think I wrote about 15 handwritten pages. It’s raining, so I’m going to stay inside and do that. Maybe make some tea and just relax and be with the words that I’ve written. I’ll be back. Unless I get eaten by a bear or something, in which case I won’t be back and this is the last you’ll ever hear of me. In which case, you’re amazing and I hope that you keep writing and all of that good stuff. Hi, this is Sarah. I have yet to be eaten by a bear or a wolf. I’m really excited about that. Last night, there was a full moon and I did hear something howling. I don’t know anything outside of like a wolf or a coyote slash coyote, however you pronounce that, that howls.

Maybe it was a nearby farm dog or something, but whatever it was, it sounded lovely. I’m happy in my decision not to go wandering around outside looking for it. Maybe there’s other things that howl. Maybe there’s little howling squirrels or yeah, I have no idea. Anyway, it was just very, I don’t know, cozy to lay there under my quilts in the bed looking out the window at the dark and wondering where the howling was coming from and yet also quite safe and cozy. Knowing that unlike the velociraptors in Jurassic Park, wolves and bears do not know how to open doors. Here I am this morning, I just went for a walk. Did not see any bears slash wolves slash coyotes slash foxes or anything like that. I did see a tiny adorable snake, which I believe was just a little garter snake. It came out of a hole in the path in front of me and was like, oh, geez, there’s a lady here. I said, good morning, snake. You’re adorable. We passed each other by.

I went walking today with no expectations and that was quite nice. I did want something out of my walk and that was time for listening. I didn’t expect to hear anything specifically, but I think sometimes it’s good just to be still and quiet. I think that in those quiet times, sometimes our best ideas can come to us. I went walking and I was looking for a good place to sit. I found this beautiful maple tree. I do know the names of trees. For all my natural failings, I do know the names of trees. There was one large maple tree growing in the midst of this section of pine. There was this little carpet underneath the maple tree of lovely soft pine scented needles. I sat down under this tree. I leaned my head back against the tree and I just closed my eyes. I started breathing deeply, inhaling the beautiful, soft sense of rain and earth and leaves that are just beginning to dry and crumble. Just breathing that in, taking that into my lungs and breathing it back out again.

I think probably for about 20 or 30 minutes, I just sat there breathing, just existing. It was really, really amazing. I leave later this evening to drive the five hours back home but I’m still struggling with the idea of whether I can take this experience with me to live it out back home, or if it’s something that I’m going to have to go to once a year. I will keep you posted on that. Otherwise, I’d encourage you to give the silence a try if it’s possible within your house or in your workplace to just seclude yourself for about 20 minutes and just breathe and be at peace. If you want to spend that time writing, then spend that time writing. Either way, experience the stillness that can be there in life. Let me know what comes to you.

Hi, this is Sarah. I’m home now. I’m thinking back on this hermitage that I took, I’ve been struggling for several days thinking about what I take away from each hermitage that I go on or each writing retreat that I go on. I’ve been thinking about, does that actually change our lives? Do we get anything that we can take back and change the way we live and to become better writers? It’s really interesting because I think that the time that I spend on a writing retreat is sublimely beneficial. I feel like I can truly say that. It’s important to set aside that time for yourself just to exist with your own writing, with the possibility of your own writing, with yourself as a writer with a capital W. I think that’s important. As I thought more and more about it, I realized that’s what makes a retreat a retreat.

That’s the fact that I can’t do it home what I am able to do there. That’s why it’s special. That’s why it’s a retreat. You don’t go on a retreat to be changed, although you might experience some things that will change your life, but you don’t go to a retreat looking to essentially make a change in your life. You go to a retreat to get away, to experience the unexpected, and to live and commune with a self that you maybe don’t show people all the time. It’s a time to be true to yourself. It’s a time to learn new things about yourself, about writing. It can be a time of production, although it doesn’t necessarily need to be, as I have learned. Although actually this year when I went, I ended up writing about 30 handwritten pages on a novel that I’m really excited about.

I decided I was going to hand write. I brought my computer with me and just ended up handwriting in a series of spiral bound notebooks that I got for 79 cents at Target. It felt good. It felt good to write, but it also felt good not to have to be pressured to produce. I wrote because I wanted to tell a story. I didn’t write because I was like, oh no, I’ve got to get out 3000 words today or I’m a huge failure. I just removed the fact that I could be a failure from the equation. I just wrote for the joy of it. I was undisturbed because I was out in the middle of the woods and I was surrounded by beauty. It was just a really marvelous thing. Well, I perhaps can’t get that every day in my day-to-day life, I can look forward to it every year.

I can remember how it felt to write with such joy and be surrounded by such beauty. It’s an unforgettable experience and it really is a great gift. This week’s book of the week is perhaps unsurprisingly a book that I read while I was on my writing retreat. I brought a huge stack of books with me and read several of them, which was just really refreshing and lovely because nobody was ever like Sarah, stop reading and come make dinner, or stop reading, it’s time to go to work, or what have you. It’s just Sarah wants to read so Sarah is going to read. I devoured several books while on my retreat, which you know me and my views on the importance of reading as a writer. That’s maybe unsurprising to you. One of the books that I read and one of my favorite books that I read on my retreat was called, How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe by Charles Yu.

Wow, was I impressed with this book. It’s awesome. You know deep down in my heart I am a huge science fiction nerd. I think that even if you aren’t, you could probably still enjoy this book for what it is. That is a very dry kind of witty and funny and heartfelt narrative told by the main character. The premise of this book is that time-travel exists and it was in fact invented by the author’s father. The author is searching for his father throughout the book. But in searching for his father, he also learns a lot about himself and his family’s history. I think despite the fact that it’s set in a future, in a fictional universe somewhere, I think that it’s really lovely and that its story is both deeply human and very timely. It wasn’t anything like I had ever read before, which was part of what drew me to it.

I found this book through the science fiction blog io9.com. I’m so glad that I read it. I didn’t really know what to expect going in, but I was so happy that I had read it. It’s a quick read. It’s only like a hundred and something pages. You can fly through it. It has all sorts of fun, theoretical, philosophical, sci-fi questions, but it addresses them in a way that’s really accessible. If you just want to feel your mind bending in new ways as you think about the space-time continuum, even if you’ve never thought about the space-time continuum and you want to, this is a great way to do that because it’s very simply written. It’s easy to read and it’s fun, and yet it gets your brain working. It’s really cool experience.

Sit back, relax and enjoy thinking, I guess. Just enjoy the story. It’s funny, it’s witty, it’s human. It is How to Live Safely in a Science Fictional Universe by Charles Yu. There are several people that I would like to thank for their contributions to this episode. Notably, I would like to thank official cool cat, Sean Locke, official rad dude, Andrew Coons, and official bookworm, Rebecca Warner. These three folks are all patrons on the Patreon donation platform. Essentially, they are helping to support and help take care of the costs that it takes to produce a podcast from hosting to other fees. Boy, do I really appreciate this. You are all wonderful for helping me to pursue this hobby that I love and hopefully help thousands of other people who listen to this podcast pursue writing as a hobby that they love.

Thank you so much for your generosity and for wanting to give and to help. I really appreciate it. There’s other people that I would like to thank. Most notably, you, for listening. This is an unusual episode for me and I hope it wasn’t weird, or you know what? Maybe I do hope it was weird. You know what? I hope this was a really weird episode, but I hope that it was weird in a good way, and that you enjoyed it. If you are thinking of taking your own writing retreat or hermitage or what have you, I’d love to hear about that. You can get in touch with me by emailing me at hello@sarahwerner.com. That’s S-A-R-A-H W-E-R-N-E-R .com. You can go to my website and navigate over to the contact tab.

On the contact page, there’s a little form there. All you do is enter in your name, your email address, and a brief message or a not so brief message, whatever you prefer. When you hit submit or whatever it says on the button, that does go straight to my email as well. I’d love to hear from you either way, please do keep in touch. Until next time. This has been the Write Now Podcast, the podcast that helps aspiring writers to find the time, energy and courage you need to pursue your passion and to write every day. I’m Sarah Werner. I hope that sometime within your life you are able to take a writing retreat. It really is an amazing experience.